Here is a list of 9 different types of biker you will meet when you are out or when you stop for a coffee. Its tongue in cheek so try not to be too offended!!!
1.Old Pan Man
OK, Old Pan man doesn’t care… he just wants to ride, he doesn’t care what he’s on. He rocks up on his 1998 ST1100 Pan European with it roller brush paint job and stickers from far flug places. His bike has 80,000 miles on the clock and duck tape in questionable positions. You have to admire his abilty to get the ‘old girl’ through its MOT with a combination of Hammerite on the swing arm, to cover rust and zip ties holding his rear brake in place.
2.Harley Man
£20,000 of American muscle… for the streets of Batley. Will have about 3,000 miles on the clock after 10 years, after all Harley Man only brings his bike out in Californian weather…. which is twice a year in the UK. Everything that glimmers is chrome, the paintwork is immaculate. He is decked head to foot in Harley Davidson merchandise (see ‘Brand Man’) as the sales person absolutely saw he coming. Nice guy though, thinking he’s living the rebel lifestyle…. even though he’s an accountant.
3.Not Harley Man
Can’t afford a Harley or thinks a Japanese replica is close enough. Hint’s of rust on his Kawasaki VN1500 or Honda VT1100 covered by cheap Chinese chrome ‘ornaments’. Loud straight through exhaust is a must, spends a lot of time playing with the idle speed trying to replicate the ‘Potato Potato’ sound of a Harley. Gets a little miffed when asked ‘Is that a Harley’ that he has to explain that is a Honda.
4.Bobber Man
Watches too much ‘American Chopper’ and thinks ‘I can do what they do’. Buys an Old ‘spares or repair’ Harley or Jap Cruiser and sets about with a Reciprocating Saw chopping pieces off. You can see the welds where pieces he didn’t want to chop off have been re attached. Had a £3000 paint job done on the tank leaving no money for anything else so that engine has VHT paint sprayed…. badly…. and exhaust wraps to cover the manky rusting exhausts. Wears a vest…. over his jacket …. for some reason.
5.The Power Ranger
Has a (no more than) 1 year old litre sports bike. Wears a white all in one race suit, white boots and white gloves. His suit has the largest branding ‘ALPINESTARS’ or ‘DAINESE’ you will ever see and a ‘Rossi Replica’ helmet. The centre of his tyres are flattened out and his chicken strips so wide pilots mistake them for a runway. Very loud. Big fan of ‘banter’ Drives a Subaru Impreza.
6. GS Man
Rides a bike that is not fast (you’d buy a sports bike), doesn’t really handle (a sports tourer maybe?) isn’t an off roader without a tyre change (just by an off roader if you want to go off road) doesn’t look good (buy literally any think else) and has what look like cases for holding a dangerous substance in a disaster movie as panniers (if you want to tour buy a tourer). Wears full textile ‘off road’ gear for riding the A6749 usually with ‘BMW’ all over. Thinks Ewan Mcgregor is the ultimate biker. Tries to keep to himself…. unless he sees another GS rider… which is often. Drives an Audi.
7.Stunt Bike Man
Has a c.2008 litre sports bike…. that was crashed… and then ‘street-fightered’. Wide Renthal bars, stubby levers and end can are a must, as is riding in a strange position with his arms straight. Wears gloves than don’t cover his wrists and Jeans with short boots. And, of course, a white helmet with a ‘seriously can he actually see through that’ dark visor. Pulls into the car park, revs has a look round, then leaves again.
8. Brand Man
My absolute favourite on this list … Brand Man. Brand man can ride anything. A cruiser, A sportsbike, A tourer , An Adventure bike, it can be Honda, Yamaha, Suzuki, Kawasaki, MV, but Brand Man usually has a Ducati, a Harley, a BMW or a Triumph. His bike is brand new, on PCP … with £2000 extra spent in the dealership on manufacturer branded kit. His helmet, his leathers/textiles, even his boots have DUCATI or BMW or HARLEY DAVIDSON, emblazoned all over it. Here is my advice to brand man… if you want to show your love for a particular Manufacturer…. buy a T-Shirt, get your gear separate in a Bike clothing store… but I suppose you can’t get that on PCP can you?
Remember folks, this is tongue in cheek…. Ride what you want to ride, wear what you want to wear and pay no attention to a bloke who looks like he’s riding a Mini Moto when out on his sports bike.